Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

The pain of walking away
Stays with me
But how could I evolve if I did stay?
How could we be happy?

Loving you was a metamorphosis
I never knew that loving you
Being lost in the taste of your kiss
Would transform me into something new

Tradgey struck
Loss greater than any love can heal
Here we were stuck
Life so painful and surreal

You lost a piece of you too soon
And I lost you
Time for the cocoon
Time to transform pain anew

There is no work here
Just waiting and processing it all
The cocoon makes you face fear
I wait wrapped in a shelled ball

Of thought and grief
Embracing the here and now
So still we are in our beliefs
But most evolve somehow

The time is coming for me too
Wake up and break free
Leave my cocoon and see anew
Butterfly wings will sprout from me

Before I can fly
I await in my cocoon
As my old self dies
And my new self will emerge soon

Until then I lay still
Letting us go in time so slow
Processing everything I did feel
Understanding it was best for me to grow

LINDAJEAN©LJS0511171111

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I feel like I can’t say what I wanted too
I feel like there is a wall
I’m not sure if it’s me or you
Who falls and who stands tall

I want to grow and expand
I want to connect
But all I understand
Is how to disconnect

Inside my fear
Begins to uncoil
Within my hearts surface it nears
And stains and soils

Within the longing for a kiss
Are heartbeats speaking at quick pace
I feel with every lover this
Void of a lonely space

You came so close
I thought I had this
Figured out the right love dose
But there is something I did miss

Cause there is a gap
Between heartbreak and happiness
I’m stuck in the inbetween trap
Longing for my lovers kiss

Out loud I shout
I think I know the error but I don’t
I believe I will figure it out
But I realize I won’t

With me lacking love for myself
How can I give you more
For now I’m a book on a shelf
To be read and explored

One day I will be ready for you
But today is not that day
Love is waiting for me and you
We only just need to find our way

Growth and expansion
Is not an easy journey
But it does ignites passion
Here & beyond my current reality

It’s time for my story to change
For my heart to soar & set sail
And exist within the loving & strange
Time to remove the masked veil

To see my life without fear
Live without limits or hesitation
Appreciate all that is here
Enjoy the loving sensation

Rid of the gap
Between heartbreak and happiness
Time to be released from this self trap
Just lovingly embrace my lovers kiss

One day I will be ready for you
But today is not that day
Love is waiting for me and you
We only just need to find our way

LJSMITH©LJS0520172222

LISTEN TO THE AUDIO OF THE POEM AND CLICK THE LINK

You are some kind wonderful
Now I have meet you
Life has become more meaningful
You just don’t know what you do…

What you do to me
You get me to play
You bring out the best in me
I thought faded away

Right before I had meet you
I had hung out on happy & single avenue
But I got curious about something new
So I crossed Hope road and walked until I saw you

And that’s where we did meet
On the corner street
Of Love and All Dreams come true
This is where I meet you

We talked and hung out
On lustful and Desire avenue
I don’t remember exactly what we talked about
I just remember how I felt for you

There is truth in a spark
Shines away all that is bleak and dark
Reawakens ones heart
As we strolled the road of a New Start

I thought I had put away
My love and hope on a shelf
But then that one unexpected day
I crossed paths with your sexy self

You seemed to have the secrete code
All the right signals you were sending
As we walked on Happy road
And worked on the lane called Best Ever Ending

Now we live at the corner of
Loving Companionship
And Amazing Mutual Love
I’m enjoying this fun loving strip

We do hang out a lot on naughty bend
And respectful way
Always enjoy our walks on best friends
Lane everyday

And now we venture too
All Wonderful Possibilities Highway
And intersect on I’m in Love Avenue
Im so in awe of you in every which way

All roads lead
Right back you
As love and desire continue to seed
And blossom a beautiful life on I’m Happy to be Your Girl avenue

LindaJean©LJS051620161111

AUDIO VERSION OF POEM

 

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CleanMessyLove©LJS07112016

Sweet taste of your lips
Yet the conflict brews
Mixed in passionate ride of this relationship
Pushing me as i push you

Some fun sexy puzzle to solve
Wrapped in your stong embrace
As we work to evolve
Love caressing your handsome face

Conflict, struggle, work and the surprise
The enlighten moment on how to resolve this
Connecting deeper as i meet your loving eyes
Lost in your kiss

Im loves biggest fan
i enjoy the passionate loving push and shove
I love that you are my man
We have the best clean messy love

LindaJean©LJS071120161111

 
Blank pages in front of me
Time for a new story
About my transformational journey
Now i find I can clearly see

I review the pages of what I previously wrote
Years of our life together bound
Within paper of images and notes
That I collected when you were around

It’s been awhile
Since I have seen you
To be within the sight of your smile
Since my eyes have enjoyed you

We each played our role
As our pride got in our way
We forgot to connect from our soul
I know my mind and fear got in my own way

  
Heartbreak to some is a passion crime
Today the sun’s beauty burns
My thoughts as I lose track of time
With each page of us I turn

I can never forget
I can always forgive
I will never regret
The crazy way we did love and live

With you my heart flipped and lept
I was reminded of my beauty
It’s time for me to accept
The closing chapter of us and set you free

I transform
I look within
While my words form
I start to write a new book again

  
The air whistles a new beautiful tone
Warm embrace as I smile with every beat
Of my heart as I know am never alone
Within my own shadow I am complete

I am glad you were
A lesson for me to learn
As my feelings start to blur
Into new passion I yearn

I am reborn into someone better
Like a butterfly
The past in every word and letter
Full of love as I say goodbye

Blank pages in front of me
Time for a new story
About my transformational journey
Now I find I can clearly see

  
LindaJean©LJS08302015

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I was standing in the yard with my dog and the strangest thing occurred, I smelled vanilla and then  I saw a blue butterfly.  It fluttered so gracefully and I began thinking of my mother.  She always smells of vanilla.  She used to paint or make me blue butterflies when I was young.  She has even bought me a few but I’ve never actually have seen a live one before, until now.  I am entranced by it and then it fluttered off.  I go inside and receive a call my mother has been admitted to the ICU.  I get in my car and head to the hospital.

I rushed out of the car and walked what seemed a mile to get to the emergency doors but paused for a moment, distracted as another blue butterfly fluttered pass me.   Two blue butterflies in one day?  Is this a sign of something?  I gain my senses and head inside. 

Once inside I find myself a mouse in a maze attempting to find the intensive care unit.  I try to remember when was the last time I visited my folks.  What did we talk about?  It’s hazy now and I realize it has been some time since I had seen or talked with my mom.  I find a sign to the ICU waiting room and follow it down more halls but at the end I find I have more questions than answers.  How long has she been sick? Was this really something sudden?  What happened?  I see a woman crying and talking on her phone as I pass her in the hall.  I see three people in scrubs talking and joking with each other.  The place is pretty barren other than that.  Although it is rather late now.  I find the ICU hall and turn down one hall to enter into another.  The smell becomes a sweet sanitary stinch and I feel myself become queasy and realize the sign says I’m here but I’m confused.  My eyes become liquid as my thoughts run rampant.  I realize she may die.  I see a waiting area but no entry, only close doors.  There are people sitting beyond the glass in the waiting room.  One woman has her young child asleep on her with her arms wrapped around her.  Her face shows worry and sadness.  Two teenagers sit there fiddling with there phones and an elderly man is staring at the phone on the wall.  Perhaps he is waiting for news.  He looks worried too.  

Unclear of where to go, I feel shut out and closed off, as I feel the nausea creep up.  No one else is around, it all feels so surreal.  Then within the blur of my sight comes into my vision a nurse in green scrubs.  She gave me instructions and I discover there was north and south ICU ward.  Mom is in the north and I am in the south.  So typical that I would be on the opposite side of her. I frantically walk down the endless hallways.  It was always like that with us.  She was big on meat, I’m a vegetarian, she believes in marriage and I see no value in it for me.  I love having pets and she isn’t a fan.  Our relationship has always been a difficult one.  The list of the things we are opposite on could go on for days.  I finally find my way and I’ve been let in into the ward.

My mind reels with what my father told me over the phone before I got here.  His voice cracked as he strained to say it.  He sobbed, “She is critical, she could die, she is having trouble breathing and her stomach is bleeding out. ”

I’m not gonna cry but my vision blurs.  I blink to clearly see and the memory runs wet down my cheeks.   I remember her singing to me when I was five, singing happy birthday.  She made me a yellow bunny cake. I don’t know why I remember this now.  

I deeply breath in and breath out.  I’m greeted by the anesthesiologist who has me sign paperwork for her surgery.  People in scrubs are working at a fast pace and my mind begins to slow as I finally catch wind to what the anesthesiologist is telling me.

“Are you next of kin?” 

 “Um yeah, I’m her daughter.”

“Ok did you speak to the nurse yet?” 

 “No I just got here.”

“The doctor will be in soon and will explain it to you.  Tomorrow she will have surgery. We need your signature here to authorize.” 

 I sign the paperwork.  I am told which room she is in.  I step inside to complete chaos.  There she is,  still within the mess of tubes and machines.  Nurses and doctors speaking  medical mumbo jumbo lingo and the room is full of people.  I see her eyes open and locked on to the ceiling. 

My father had stepped out to call her brothers.   She was stable when he left.   Then the machines made a racket and she shook and the machine made a horrible noise a beep that froze.  It was deafing and I call out her name and the tears flow from my eyes now.  I rush to grab her hand but they pull me away.   They usher me out as she flatlines.  They close the blinds so I can’t see in.  My heart is racing, terrified. 

Then I smell the scent of vanilla again and to my amazement a blue butterfly appears as tears flow from my broken heart and I realize somehow she is with me right now.  I can feel her.  I whisper to the butterfly, “I love you mom, please don’t go, not yet.”   I look up and hear the beat on the machine resume a beep sound and someone say that she has a heartbeat.   I look up and when I looked backed down the butterfly was gone.   Once things calmed down and my mother was stable again, my dad returned and they let us back into the room with her.

 ©LJS04202015