Posts Tagged ‘writing’

The pain of walking away
Stays with me
But how could I evolve if I did stay?
How could we be happy?

Loving you was a metamorphosis
I never knew that loving you
Being lost in the taste of your kiss
Would transform me into something new

Tradgey struck
Loss greater than any love can heal
Here we were stuck
Life so painful and surreal

You lost a piece of you too soon
And I lost you
Time for the cocoon
Time to transform pain anew

There is no work here
Just waiting and processing it all
The cocoon makes you face fear
I wait wrapped in a shelled ball

Of thought and grief
Embracing the here and now
So still we are in our beliefs
But most evolve somehow

The time is coming for me too
Wake up and break free
Leave my cocoon and see anew
Butterfly wings will sprout from me

Before I can fly
I await in my cocoon
As my old self dies
And my new self will emerge soon

Until then I lay still
Letting us go in time so slow
Processing everything I did feel
Understanding it was best for me to grow

LINDAJEAN©LJS0511171111

IMG_8295

I feel like I can’t say what I wanted too
I feel like there is a wall
I’m not sure if it’s me or you
Who falls and who stands tall

I want to grow and expand
I want to connect
But all I understand
Is how to disconnect

Inside my fear
Begins to uncoil
Within my hearts surface it nears
And stains and soils

Within the longing for a kiss
Are heartbeats speaking at quick pace
I feel with every lover this
Void of a lonely space

You came so close
I thought I had this
Figured out the right love dose
But there is something I did miss

Cause there is a gap
Between heartbreak and happiness
I’m stuck in the inbetween trap
Longing for my lovers kiss

Out loud I shout
I think I know the error but I don’t
I believe I will figure it out
But I realize I won’t

With me lacking love for myself
How can I give you more
For now I’m a book on a shelf
To be read and explored

One day I will be ready for you
But today is not that day
Love is waiting for me and you
We only just need to find our way

Growth and expansion
Is not an easy journey
But it does ignites passion
Here & beyond my current reality

It’s time for my story to change
For my heart to soar & set sail
And exist within the loving & strange
Time to remove the masked veil

To see my life without fear
Live without limits or hesitation
Appreciate all that is here
Enjoy the loving sensation

Rid of the gap
Between heartbreak and happiness
Time to be released from this self trap
Just lovingly embrace my lovers kiss

One day I will be ready for you
But today is not that day
Love is waiting for me and you
We only just need to find our way

LJSMITH©LJS0520172222

 

unveiled©ljs5172015

 
its a rhythm and a flow
within in every breath
i slowly began to let go
in waking life and in death

i took the blue pill
down the rabbit hole i went
now i can see what is truly real
and the lies i never meant

the light filtered through
my skin
it shined like new
and a new journey now begins

the light revealed
the truth
breaking the seal
covered in lies from my youth

i existed
and i was dead
i coexisted
within the lie that was said

i believed the lies of the blind
the lies of misguided souls
and i find
the truth as it unfolds

there has been a shift
i will never be the same
my heart smiles and lifts
the lies and earase the blame

i create the life i live in
i am responsible for all that is
so it is now that my life really begins
now i understand this

the darkness falls away
i reconnect above
now i enjoy each day
now i embrace love

now im no longer aloof
no longer isolated
i live and speak my truth
the pain has faded

we all have the power to be free
we all must love within
to be able to give it and be happy
time for a new world to begin

come with me down the rabbit hole
you dont need the blue pill
just love and forgive from your soul
then you’ll be the beauty of what is real

©LJS05172025

I set my alarm to wake me at six in the morning and I have decided tomorrow morning I will wake up, have breakfast, workout and walk the dog before I go to work. What could go wrong? My dog hops into bed and takes over the left side.  He looks at me, waiting for me.  I slip into bed next to him.

It’s nine o’clock and I close my eyes to drift to sleep.  Thoughts of the day pass through my mind.  I start reliving moments with customers that really bothered me.  I just try to clear my mind as it begins to stress me out.

Nine-thirty, I began thinking about Jim and  recall our fight we had a couple of days ago.  I begin to wonder why he hasn’t called to work it out.  Perhaps it’s for the best and I try to think myself into being single.  I’m on facebook on my phone.  I’m looking at my relationship status and I wonder if I should change it from being in a relationship to “it’s complicated”.

Ten o’clock, I realize I probably shouldn’t have drank that green tea right before going to bed. Off to the bathroom I go and I grab my phone, I check it and see I have a missed text.  It’s from Jim.  I can’t help but think he is my “it’s complicated” guy.   Nothing can be simple or easy with him.  Part of what attracts me to him and in the same it frustrates the hell out of me.  After three years with him, I thought it would be easier but now I wonder how compatable we really are.

I look at the clock glaring ten thirty and wonder why I can’t sleep?  Why did I look at my darn phone?!  Now I can’t stop thinking about him.  I am confused about us.  I am thinking about walking away for good.  I begin to feel frustrated I’m not asleep, frustrated I have to pee again and frustrated with Jim.

It’s midnight and I am almost done with writing and editing another chapter of my never ending book.   I pick up my phone again after I return from the bathroom….again!  I change my alarm to wake me at seven instead.  I decide I will have to walk the dog after work.  I start organizing my schedule for the week.  I cuddle with the dog who is trying to ignore me cause he is happily sleeping.

One in the morning and I am playing word with friends scrabble. I have 30 games.  I push back my alarm to eight in the morning.  I remember memories that seem unimportant, I’m not sure why I am thinking of them now.  The client from this morning that got under my skin replays in my mind.  I breath and focus on clearing out my thoughts again.  I remember the first time Jim kissed me.  How he pursued me relentlessly and now he goes almost two days without a word.  Just a text that doesn’t help clarify or resolve anything!  I feel we are not right for each other anymore.  I hate how this feels.  I’m frustrated I’m not asleep and I have to go to the damn bathroom again!

Two in the morning, I’ve given up all hope and pushed my alarm to ten.  I don’t have to be in the office until noon.  I will just skip my work out.  I pick up a book and read some. It perhaps was not the best choice, as it is filled with all sorts of interesting stuff and it is hard to stop reading, especially when things get steamy but then I start thinking of Jim again and feel sad and I miss being held by his big strong arms.  I miss how good he smells.  Then I realize my bladder is the size of a peanut.  How can one cup of green tea make me pee this much?!

Three o’clock, I decide take the dog out for a brief walk in my pjs after I pee.  I put on a coat and head out into the brisk morning with my dog in tow. Strange how quite the neighborhood is.  We get to the creek that runs through the neighborhood.  In the stillness I hear a croaking symphony of what sounds like a hundred bullfrogs.  My dog is happily on a mission to leave his mark and pays no attention to the slimey buggers.  He finds his spot next to the biggest toad I’ve ever seen.  The toad doesn’t move and keeps croaking. It’s a surreal moment.  I wonder if I did fall asleep.  I look up at the stars and they shine so brightly with a haze in the sky.  It looked like the Milky Way.   The moon is full and bright.  I push my two fingers into my other hand to see if they slip through my flesh.  They don’t, this is how I know I am still awake.  My dog has accomplished his mission and he happily walks me back to the house.  I think it was a perfect time to walk in my pjs and flip flops.  I take off my jacket.  My dog gets some water and food and I send a text to Jim as I head back to the dam bathroom.  I have decided to forgive him and tell him I miss his sexy ass and want to know when he will be available for some naughty fun with me?

Three-forty-five, I am in shock I am still awake as I am now back in bed laying in the dark and hating on my clock, as I stare it down.  The dog is fast asleep.  I feel like he has a super power of sleep, how does he do it?!

Four-fourteen, I lie there trying to mediate to calm my busy mind.  Shortly after I finally drift off.

Eleven in the morning I wake up, realizing I set my alarm wrong.  Now I’m late and I rush to get ready and be off.  I step in the shower.  I did not hear Jim come in.  He surprises me and slips into the shower.  He tells me he misses me and he is sorry.  I feel so happy in this moment and enjoy his lips as I taste relief and joy.  I feel his strong arms wrapped around my waste.  I decide to call in sick and spend the day in bed….with my “it’s complicated” guy.

©LJS03262015

  

She wanted to meet the love of her life, someone loving, fun, smart, dark and handsome and so she began to focus on nothing other than this.  Then one day a black stray dog crossed her path and she took him in.  Very quickly she bonded with him and found she could not let him go.

“I wanted to meet the love of my life!” She sighed as her sister and her were standing in her room and watched the dog hop onto her bed and take over the left side.

Her sister chuckled and walked over to the bed and sat next to him and began petting him as his tail wagged.

“Well at least he doesn’t sleep on your side of the bed and besides you did meet the love of your life and he is loving, fun, short, dark and all so handsome!”  She giggled as he began licking her face.

©LJS03302015

TheBird&TheTiger©LJS07042014

TheBird&TheTiger©LJS07042014

It was unheard
Of a love like that
Between a bird
And a wild cat

Yet I spread my wings
You quietly hunted me
Out loud my heart sings
You admired my spirit so free

One day
I perched on you
Sang a tune that made your heart sway
Then off I flew

Later that night
I came and laid with you
Curled up in your fur with delight
Sad when sun shined and off I flew

Many nights like this
Then we were transformed by the moon to be human
We had our first kiss
We embraced our love again and again

Moonlight waned into the sun
We transformed back
Ended our loving fun
Then your friends began to attack

Off I flew
Singing as I was carried off by the wind
My heart beat true
For my loving tiger and my best friend.

Linda Jean©LJS003172015

Those kids danced better than most adults and left us all amazed.  They may have only been 6 years of age but they strutted there stuff like they were 40!  They affected our emotions with their flow of movements to music that revealed an interesting story.  They were two souls that flowed and connected, as if they had known each other for more than a life time.  We had a glimpse of their joy and was blessed by their creative expression of fun.  Those kids were like hard core level awesome!